


Neros Urameshi's Celebrity Deathmatch: Episode 1

by Toonwriter



Series: Neros Urameshi's Celebrity Deathmatch [1]
Category: Celebrity Deathmatch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-02
Updated: 2015-11-02
Packaged: 2018-04-29 12:41:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5128025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toonwriter/pseuds/Toonwriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Here is the return of my Celebrity Deathmatch fic that is (sort of) a sequel to the one written by The Vicious One from fanfiction.net. Enjoy and review!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Team Sora vs. Dracula, Betty-Sue Olsen and Lumpclaw

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything mentioned in this fic. Which includes, as follows, Sonic the Hedgehog, Super Smash Bros. Melee, Pokémon, Kirby, etc. I don't own CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH. MTV and Viacom own the show, although I made up the name of the mother bear from Brandy vs. Courtney Love. Thank you and enjoy the fic!

THE FOLLOWING FANFICTION YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS, IN FACT, FICTION. ANY SIMILARITY TO ANY CELEBRITIES, LIVING OR DEAD, IS COINCIDENTAL AND UNINTENTIONAL.  
ANYWAY...IT'S JUST CLAY!

(Opening to CDM begins)

Johnny Gomez: What will happen when a monstrous queen, a mother bear and a vampire faces off against Team Sora? Will Kirby get his revenge for being killed by Metaknight? Can the slaughtered celebrities of the past be revived? And what will happen when all of the Sonic Heroes strike at the wrath of a very powerful devil? Find out tonight on...CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH!

(Opening ends)

Johnny Gomez: Good evening, everyone! I'm Johnny Gomez!

Nick Diamond: And I'm Nick Diamond!

Johnny Gomez: And you, ladies and gentlemen, are in for a special treat, because tonight, Celebrity Deathmatch presents for the first time...THE CLASH OF THE VIDEO GAME SUPER-STARS!!!

Nick Diamond: First up, it has been called the greatest battle in the history of Squaresoft!

(ROUND 1)

Johnny Gomez: That's right, Nick. Tonight, in our first fight, we have a trio of heroes and a trio of monsters squaring off! It's Team Sora vs. the Heartless Trio!

(ROUND 2)

Johnny Gomez: After that, we have a lethal match made in heaven! It's the stars of Kirby: Right Back at Ya! Kirby vs. Meta-Knight!

(ROUND 3)

Nick Diamond: Next, we take a trip to a place called HFIL where the celebrities that are killed are giving us a special surprise! Next, they'll fight against the Loch Ness Monster and slay it in a Deathmatch of Laser Tag! And then, they'll go to the Main Event after fighting against the beast! This could be a bloody one, Johnny!

(MAIN EVENT)

Johnny Gomez: And finally, our Main Event! They've been called the most deadliest of Nintendo teams fighting each other, but tonight, they're all here as teammates! Team Sonic. Team Rose. Team Dark. And Team Chaotix against their most powerful mysterious opponent.

Nick Diamond: But, to sweeten the match, we've brought in a little surprise for the 13 combatants! THE INFERNO ARENA OF HELL!!!

Johnny Gomez: No wonder they called that match 'The Showdown'! But first, let's focus on our first fight. Team Sora is here to settle the score once and for all, and to answer the big question. Who is the better team? Let's find out!

(Down to the ring)

Johnny Gomez: In the red corner, the heroes who can't seem to be separated, from Kingdom Hearts, Sora, Donald Duck, and Goofy Goof! (Audience cheers)

Sora: Aw, thanks! Thanks for 3 years of support for the three musketeers! (Tosses flowers everywhere)

Donald: Sora, we've got a match! Keep your eye on the prize!

Johnny Gomez: And the blue corner, the most meanest vicious characters to grace the arena, Betty Sue, Dracula, and a mystery partner!

Betty-Sue: Rargh!

Dracula: Hey! Where the hell is our partner?

Johnny Gomez: (melodramatically) The air grows still with a sudden chill. No talk, no laughs, no chatter. (the arena starts quaking) With the trees shaking, the ground quaking, the crowd began to scatter. (Some of the audience began to scatter in fear at this) Out of its lair came a mother bear, and her name is Valerie Lumpclaw! (the mother bear back from Brandy vs. Courtney Love breaks through the door)

Sora: (angrily) You! You'll pay for what you did to Courtney Love! (the bear starts rampaging to the arena and is slashing at Sora. However, the bear was hold back by a chain, used by Dracula from The Vampire vs. Sarah Michelle Gellar.)

Dracula: Whoa, whoa! Calm down, Lumpclaw! Wait till the match starts, see? Nyah!

Mills Lane: Ok, you all, I want a good, clean fight! Now, let's get it on! (Bell Rings)

Sora: Alright, Lumpclaw! Time for me to finish this! (Jumps at Lumpclaw, and begins to beat on Lumpclaw)

Johnny Gomez: Sora's taking down Lumpclaw. (Lumpclaw kicks Sora off, throwing him into the ring post) But, Lumpclaw retaliates!

Sora: Ow...you creature...

Lumpclaw: ROOOOOAARR!!! (bites Sora in the groin)

Nick Diamond: OHH! That's gotta hurt the poor kid!

Donald: Don't worry, Sora! I'll save you!

Nick Diamond: Donald is looking to help his fallen comrade... (Dracula jumps on Donald, pinning him and ready to bite)

Dracula: (Holding him down) HA HA!!! Now I got you! I want your blood! (bites Donald in the neck)

Donald: AAH!!! THE PAIN!!!

Johnny Gomez: Dracula is going to suck Donald's blood like he did Sarah Michelle Gellar!

Nick Diamond: The duck is going to be roasted! Oh, I can't watch!

Sora: Donald! I'll save you! (Unfortunately, Betty-Sue pounces on Sora and scratches his forehead, busting him open!)

Sora: (blood spills out) GAAAAAHHH!!!! MY HEAD!!!!

Johnny Gomez: Betty-Sue just pounced on Sora and is helping Lumpclaw! Donald is in hot water now!

Nick Diamond: This could be over for Sora and Donald!

Goofy: Hands off Sora or you'll be dealing with me! (Goofy hits Lumpclaw on the head with his Shield and a CLANG!)

Johnny Gomez: Ooh! That's gotta hurt!

Goofy: (Goofy hits Betty-Sue on the head with another CLANG!) And that'll teach you for killing your own twin sisters.

Betty-Sue: (in Weasel's voice) Thank you. (kisses Goofy) I've had a lovely evening. (Betty-Sue, being funny, fell to the ground like a cartoon.)

Johnny Gomez: Ooh! And that'd be a TKO!

Nick Diamond: I don't know, Johnny, she could still be in the match.

Sora: Hang on, Donald!

Dracula: (starts sucking Donald's blood, only letting go after 3 seconds) Sorry, but you're out, Dowald!

Sora: Shut up! (Sora tackles the vampire, but got knocked back after a few punches.)

Dracula: Is that the best you can do, chump?

Sora: No, it's not. It's time to use… the secret weapon.

Nick Diamond: What is he talking about, Johnny?

Johnny Gomez: I don't know, Nick, but I have a feeling that Sora has a way of beating the vampire!

Sora: (reveals his Keyblade) This is my secret weapon! AND THIS WILL BE YOUR LAST MATCH! (Sora, with a battle cry, runs to Dracula, who turns into a bat and flew off.) Oh, no you don't! (Before Sora is going to chase the bat, Lumpclaw attacked.) Sorry, beast, but I got a bat to exterminate. But before I go after him… DIE!!! (Sora starts slicing and dicing Lumpclaw.)

Johnny Gomez: Oh, my! Look at Sora, folks! He's slicing him to pieces!

Donald: Unh… (sees Sora and Lumpclaw) Hey, what the-? All right! Time to send this bear to oblivion! (after healing himself with Curaga, Donald's casting his Firaga spell to burn Lumpclaw.) Take that, you big man-eater! FOR COURTNEY LOVE!!! (Goofy jumps to where Sora is and starts clobbering Lumpclaw.)

Johnny Gomez: Holy cow! Look at Team Sora go! They're slicing, dicing, clobbering and burning Lumpclaw big time! (Lumpclaw dies in a burning bloody mess.) And Lumpclaw's down!

Sora: Thanks, guys! Now for that bat! Donald, Goofy, you take care of the third Olsen twin!

Donald and Goofy: Roger! (Sora flew after the bat.)

Dracula: Ha ha ha! Now Sora will never get me! (turns around) What?

Sora: Hey, batty! I told you this is your last match! (Sora slashed the bat's left wing off and the bat landed in the arena and turns back to normal, his left arm missing.)

Dracula: GRRR!!! YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS, YOU BASTARD!!!!

Sora: Violence is not the answer for this amusement, Dracky!

Nick Diamond: And Sora got Dracula down! I think this match will be made in history, folks!

Johnny Gomez: Hang on, Nick...I think Sora's up to something!

Sora: EAT THIS, VAMPIRE! (Sora uses a flashlight at his eyes)

Dracula: (covering his eyes with his cape) AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! STOP IT!!! I CAN'T STAND THE LIGHT!!!

Sora: No vampire resists the light. This ends now! (Mickey Mouse pushes a searchlight in the upward direction.)

Mickey: Here you go, Sora!

Johnny Gomez: Hey, it's King Mickey Mouse! And he's using some kind of searchlight! But what is he up to? He might have a plan! (Sora and Donald hits Dracula with Firaga while Goofy grabs Betty-Sue and Sora and Donald grab Dracula.)

Sora, Donald and Goofy: (singing) **_A VERY MERRY UNBIRTHDAY... TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..._**

(The three then Sora, Donald and Goofy literally sent Betty-Sue and Dracula flying as they finished)

Sora, Donald and Goofy: (singing) **_...YOU!!!!_**

(Note: If you watched Disney's Alice in Wonderland, you'll know what that part was a reference of.)

Sora: HAPPY LANDINGS!!!

Dracula: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! (Betty-Sue and Dracula fell in the searchlight and got electrocuted.)

Mickey: That'll teach you for killing our favorite superstars!

Nick Diamond: Looks like Betty-Sue and Dracula are finally defeated!

Johnny Gomez: That's right, Nick! Congratulations to Team Sora!

Mills Lane: (Bell rings) And the winning team is...TEAM SORA!!!

Sora: We won, guys!

Donald: Yeah! Audience, we got 7 words for you!

Sora, Mickey, Donald and Goofy: ALL FOR ONE AND ONE FOR ALL!!!! (Sora, Mickey, Donald and Goofy raised their weapons like the White Trinity. Audience cheers wildly.)

Johnny Gomez: Wow! Folks, these combatants are making history! New champions and great heroes. Stick around, because after the break, we've got a match made in Dreamland, when Kirby and Meta-Knight battle each other with a special guest referee!

Nick Diamond: That's right! Kirby and Meta-Knight battled before and they can battle again tonight!

Johnny Gomez: You don't want to miss this!

(CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH)


	2. Kirby vs. Metaknight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Along with numerous celebrities, Kirby gets resurrected and gets his revenge against Metaknight.

(CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH)

Nick Diamond: Welcome back to Celebrity Deathmatch!

Johnny Gomez: If you're just joining us, we've already got knee-deep in our Clash of the Nintendo Stars!

Nick Diamond: Next up, we've got the stars of Kirby: Right Back at Ya! Kirby versus Metaknight!

Johnny Gomez: Wait a minute, Nick! Don't you remember that Metaknight killed Kirby?

(Scene changes to a flashback)

Mills Lane: And the winners are Kirby and Metaknight! (Bell rings)

Kirby: Thank you! Thank you!

Meta-Knight: But I defeated Dedede...

Kirby: I'm the best! I beat King Dedede!

Meta-Knight: (Eyes flare up) No one takes my glory from me... (Stabs Kirby with his sword, killing him)

Mills Lane: Dammit! You just killed your teammate!

Meta-Knight: I am the true victor of this match. Chyna took care of the simpleton, and I took care of the vile one known as Dedede...

(Back to the Deathmatch Arena)

Nick Diamond: Damn! You're right! With Kirby dead, Metaknight might win by default!

Johnny Gomez: Certainly looks that way, Nick.

Debbie Matenopoulos: Hold on, Johnny.

(Scene changes to a locker room)

Debbie Matenopoulos: I'm at the Sonic Heroes locker room. Sonic and his friends are up to something. I'll go check it out. (walks in the locker room, quietly) There they are, folks. And they seem to be doing a… ritual. Let's watch and see what happens.

(Sonic and Tails are doing a mystical dance around a giant blue flame)

Sonic and Tails: By the power of Ra...

Sonic: Mut...

Tails: Nut...

Sonic: Khnum...

Tails: Ptah...

Sonic: Nephthys...

Tails: Nekhbet...

Sonic: Sobek...

Tails: Sekhment...

Sonic: Sokar...

Tails: Selket...

Sonic: Reshpu...

Tails: Wadjet...

Sonic: Anubis...

Tails: Anukis...

Sonic: Seshmu...

Tails: Meshkent...

Sonic: Hemsut...

Tails: Tefnut...

Sonic: Heket...

Tails: Mafdet...

Sonic: Ra!

Tails: Mut!

Sonic: Nut!

Tails: Ptah!

Sonic: Hemsut!

Tails: Tefnut!

Sonic: Sokar!

Tails: Selket!

Sonic: Seshmu!

Tails: Reshpu!

Sonic: Sobek!

Tails: Wadjet!

Sonic: Heket!

Tails: Mafdet!

Sonic: Nephthys!

Tails: Nekhbet!

Sonic and Tails: Ra!

(Colored spotlights get on the Sonic Heroes as they sang.)

Sonic: **_So you think you've got friends in high places_**

(The blue hedgehog clapped his hands and then conjured up some smoke over him.)

**_With the power to put us on the run_ **

Tails: **_Well, forgive us these smiles on our faces_**

**_You'll know what power is when we are done_ **

(Sonic and Tails appear behind Debbie in the smoke.)

Sonic and Tails: **_Son..._**

(Debbie screamed in alarm, startled from this as Sonic and Tails grinned devilishly. Then, Sonic and Tails started doing a mystical dance as they sang.)

Sonic: **_You're playing with the big boys now_**

Tails: **_Playing with the big boys now_**

Sonic: (spoken) Oh, that's pretty. (singing) **_Every spell and gesture_**

**_Tells you who's the best_ **

Sonic and Tails: **_You're playing with the big boys now_**

Knuckles and Amy: **_You're playing with the big boys now_**

Shadow and Cream: **_You're playing with the big boys now_**

Knuckles: **_Stop this foolish mission!_**

(Amy did a card trick as she sang.) 

Amy: **_Watch a true magician!_**

Sonic and Amy: **_Give an exhibition how_**

Tails: **_Pick up your silly twig, boy_**

Sonic Heroes: **_You're playing with the big boys now!_**

(Sonic laughs as Kirby's dead body started rising slowly. While it happened, Sonic brings out Caliburn at the same time Tails brings out his own sword and the two swing their swords together as the choir chanted. When they clashed their swords, Debbie covered her eyes at the same time the audience watching this does.)

Choir: **_By the power of Ra_**

**_Mut, Nut, Khnum, Ptah_ **

**_Sobek, Sekhment, Sokar, Selket_ **

**_Anubis, Anukis_ **

**_Hemsut, Tefnut, Meshkent, Mafdet..._ **

Sonic Heroes: (as Sonic and Tails' swords glowed, a light shining on Kirby's corpse) **_You're playing with the big boys now_**

**_You're playing with the big boys now_ **

**_By the might of Horus_ **

**_You will kneel before us_ **

**_Kneel to our splendorous power..._ **

Sonic: (doing a fighting pose) **_You put up a front_**

Tails: (likewise) **_You put up a fight_**

Shadow: (walking like an Egyptian) **_And just to show we feel no spite_**

Knuckles: **_You can be our acolyte_**

Amy: **_But first, boy, it's time to bow_**

Choir: **_Kowtow!_**

Cream: **_Or it's your own grave you'll dig, boy_**

Sonic Heroes: **_You're playing with the big boys_**

(Kirby's eyes opened quickly while other various celebrities rose from the grave throughout the finale.)

**_Playing with the big boys_ **

**_Playing with the big boys_ **

**_Playing with the big boys_ **

**_Playing with the big boys_ **

**_Playing with the big boys NOW!_ **

(The song ended as the audience cheered from the performance.)

Sonic: (laughs) They love it!

Johnny Gomez: I don't believe it! Sonic and his friends brought Kirby back from the dead!

Nick Diamond: And not only that, Johnny! Look! Other celebrities that are killed in the past are back from the dead, too! Including Vince McMahon who got revived at the Deathmatch ring! It looks like Vince will be guest ring announcer!

Johnny Gomez: Then let's take us to Vince McMahon!

(Scene changes to the Deathmatch Ring)

Vince McMahon: In the Red Corner, the greatest warrior of Pop-Star, Dreamland, and beyond, back from the dead, Kirby! (Audience cheers, Kirby flew into the Ring on his Warpstar) And in the Blue Corner, another warrior of Dreamland and the Star Warrior champion, Metaknight! (Audience cheers)

Metaknight: I can't believe you're back from the dead, Kirby!

Kirby: That's right, Metaknight! I've come to have my revenge!

Metaknight: We'll see about that, Kirby!

Kirby: Bring it on, Knightbrace!

Metaknight: (Eyes flare up) Knightbrace? You'll pay for calling me that, you jackass!

Mills Lane: (holds up championship belt that has a star and a sword on it) All right, you two, whoever wins gets to be Star Warrior champion and the true Star Warrior! And remember, I want a good clean fight! Now, let's get it on! (Bell rings; Kirby avoids Metaknight's sword attack)

Johnny Gomez: The fight has begun, and Metaknight is slashing at Kirby!

Kirby: Oh, no you don't! (Kicks Metaknight's sword out of his hand)

Metaknight: Aah! (Holds hand in pain, sword lands outside the ring)

Kirby: You don't need your sword yet, bud!

Metaknight: (angry) I'll send you to hell for this! (Holds out gun)

Nick Diamond: Metaknight just pulled out a gun!

Metaknight: EAT MY DUST, KIRBY! (Starts shooting, Kirby avoids every bullet the way a Z Fighter does)

Metaknight: (shooting everywhere in the ring) Hold still, you bastard!

Johnny Gomez: Metaknight using his gun at his advantage, but Kirby is avoiding every shot! Man, he's good! (Kirby appears behind Metaknight and hits him) Oh! Kirby hitting Metaknight from behind!

Metaknight: You mock me by hitting me from behind? How pathetic!

Kirby: It is you who's pathetic once I get through you!

Metaknight: (Tries to shoot Kirby, but misses, and tries with all his might) Oh, you are a slippery bastard!

Kirby: You ain't seen nothing yet! (avoids another shot, grabs Metaknight by the foot) Tag! You're it!

Nick Diamond: Kirby just grabbed Metaknight, Johnny!

Johnny Gomez: Looks like Metaknight is in for a spin.

Kirby: (sing-song, spinning Metaknight around and around) Metaknight go round and round

I launch him from the ground

He will go flying now

His comrades (A/N: Sword, Heavy and Blade Knights) have a COW! (on "COW", Kirby tosses Metaknight out of the ring)

Metaknight: (sent flying) AAAHH! (Crashes into the floor)

Johnny Gomez: Oooh! That's gotta hurt!

Kirby: (to Metaknight) How's that for a Star Warrior?

Metaknight: You'll pay for that, Kirby! (Starts flying with his wings and charged at Kirby)

Kirby: Uh-oh. (Got mega punched by Metaknight, hits turnbuckle and growls) You'll regret attacking me like that! (Starts struggling with Metaknight)

Johnny Gomez: And it looks like Kirby and Metaknight are in a deathful struggle! (Kirby and Metaknight let go of each other)

Metaknight: Give up?

Kirby: Never!

Nick Diamond: Holy crap! Will this fight never end?

Johnny Gomez: (Metaknight starts flying at Kirby to tackle him, but Kirby jumps out of the way and lands on top of the turnbuckle) Metaknight missed again! Man, Kirby does quite a lot of defense! What's he up to?

Kirby: Hey, Knightbrace! Let's play... (Whips out a BIG mallet) WHACK THE FRAUD!

Metaknight: You stupid puffball! I SHOULD'VE DESTROYED YOUR BODY WHEN I MURDERED CHYNA! (The words " MURDERED CHYNA!" echoes through the arena) (Audience gasps)

Nick Diamond: Uh oh...busted!

Johnny Gomez: I can't believe he killed Chyna, our special guest referee! Metaknight must be stopped!

Kirby: (shedding tears) You killed Chyna?

Metaknight: (to himself, nervous) Me and my big fat mouth!

Kirby: (angry) Why you-! (Kirby punched Metaknight out of the ring, Metaknight crashed on the floor near his sword)

Metaknight: My sword! (Metaknight is about to pick it up)

Sonic: Suck it up, Kirby!

Kirby: Right! (Kirby does the same suck-up routine from Kirby: Right Back at ya!)

Johnny Gomez: It looks like Kirby's sucking up Metaknight's sword!

(Metaknight's sword got in Kirby's mouth)

(Kirby starts glowing) (Rockman Axess "Soul Unison" theme plays)

Sonic: I love hearing that music!

Nick Diamond: What the hell's happening, Johnny?

Johnny Gomez: Kirby's transforming into one of his forms!

Kirby: (transforms into Sword Kirby) Kirby Form, Sword Kirby! (spits Metaknight's sword out) Here's your sword, bub! (throws Metaknight's sword at him)

Metaknight: (caught his sword) So, try to beat me in one of your forms, will you? You will die just like Chyna!

(Chyna jumps in ring next to Kirby)

Chyna: You were saying?

Johnny Gomez: It's the 9th wonder of the world Chyna!

Nick Diamond: I thought Metaknight killed her!

Johnny Gomez: I guess she must've survived the attack, praise the Lord!

Chyna: You'll pay for what you did to me. (to Kirby) Kirby, the bazooka! (Kirby brings out bazooka and throws it at Chyna) (Chyna catches it and aims it at Metaknight) Eat this, Metaknight! (starts firing)

Johnny Gomez: Looks like Chyna's having target practice! (Metaknight tries deflecting the blasts with his sword, but he only deflected 5 shots and got hit by a lot more)

Kirby: SWORD BEAM! (Kirby unleashed the Sword Beam) HIIIIIYYAAAAH! (Kirby launched the beam)

Metaknight: (got hit by Chyna's blast and Kirby's beam) AAAAAAHHH! (hits turnbuckle, lands on stomach) Unh…

Nick Diamond: It looks like Kirby has the upper hand! And Kirby's standing on his back! I think we have a winner!

Johnny Gomez: Not unless Metaknight gets killed, murdered, sliced or smashed.

Kirby: Thanks, Chyna! I can handle this now! Now, do your special guest referee business!

Chyna: Roger! Don't worry, Mills. I'll protect you from being killed.

Mills Lane: Got it. I'll be out of the ring. (gets out of the ring)

Chyna: And I'll keep an eye out for the winner of this match, which, I hope, will be Kirby.

Kirby: (thinking) Hmm. Gee, I never done a wrestling move before. What'll I do?

Chyna: It's easy, Kirby! Let's pretend Metaknight's back could use a little crack!

Metaknight: (scared out of his wits) Uh-oh.

Kirby: Oh, yeah! Now I remember! Folks, I'd like to consider this match going to me, but first, let me introduce you to my version of… the Utah Jazz Box! (Tails plays piano, music plays)

 ** _Whoa ho_** (jumping and stomping on Metaknight's back) (Metaknight says "Ouch!" in the rhythm of Kirby's stomping just like Skippy clobbering the bully in a Slappy Squirrel cartoon in "Animaniacs") (The Sonic Heroes are rolling with laughter as Kirby sings)

**_I sure love dancing on Metaknight's back_ **

**_I'd love it even more to hear his vertebrae crack_ **

**_Crackity, crackity, crackity, crack_ **

**_Crackity, crackity, crackity!_ **

Metaknight: (knocked silly, literally) Daniel Boone was a great big guy… Ohh…! (faints)

Johnny Gomez: Ooh, that's gotta hurt!

Nick Diamond: Yeah, and Kirby sang the Utah Jazz Box just like Donny Osmond did!

Johnny Gomez: And it seemed that Kirby avenged him.

Kirby: And now for my ultimate move!

Johnny Gomez: What's Kirby up to?

Nick Diamond: I think he's… I think he's…

(Kirby is glowing)

Kirby: THOUSAND BURNING KNIVES!!!! (a thousand fiery knives appear behind him and Kirby sends them towards Metaknight) (in his head) Good thing Shadow taught me that move.

(Scene changes to a flashback)

Shadow: Now Kirby, if you want to destroy Metaknight, you must learn the heart of a Star Warrior. And you need a fatality move to finish off Metaknight.

Kirby: So I get to use one of the fatalities from Mortal Kombat?

Shadow: No. I'm giving you one. Now, try to visualize your goal.

Kirby: (concentrating) Try to visualize my goal… (a thousand fiery knives appear behind Kirby)

Shadow: (indicating a dummy of Metaknight sitting on top of the same spiked tower from one of the fights in the past) Now, focus and aim your knives at the target.

Kirby: (humming) (eyes glowing, focusing on Metaknight dummy) THOUSAND BURNING KNIVES!!!! (Kirby sends them flying towards the dummy) (the knives pierced the dummy, burning it)

Shadow: Well done. Now you're ready.

(Back to the ring)

Kirby: (in his head) Now's my chance. (out loud) BURNING KNIVES, KILL METAKNIGHT! (Kirby sends the fiery knives flying towards Metaknight)

Metaknight: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! (the knives pierced Metaknight, burning him and killing him)

Johnny Gomez: And it's over!

Chyna: (Mills rings the bell) And the winner is, Kirby!

Vince McMahon: Here's your winner and the new Star Warrior champion, KIRBY!!! (audience cheers wildly, the Sonic Heroes celebrating Kirby's victory)

Nick Diamond: Whoa! What an ending! Kirby's revenge fulfilled and he IS the true Star Warrior!

Johnny Gomez: Along with the help of Chyna, might I add. Speaking of Chyna, stick around, because after the break, there will be a battle against the Loch Ness Monster in a deadly game of Laser Tag with 8 celebrities wearing 3D Armor, ala Spy Kids 3D: Game Over, and we'd like to thank Chyna for helping us out since the Loch Ness Monster win against Bigfoot quickly!

Chyna: Anytime, Johnny!

Johnny Gomez: Stay tuned, folks! Celebrity Deathmatch will be right back after these messages!

(CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 down, and 2 to go! Ok, you enjoyed the melee so far, but will you handle the matches to come? Stay tuned for the next match, and don't forget to review! Plus, give your thoughts on who'll win the upcoming matches! And your votes to who will be in the Laser Tag Deathmatch! Don't miss out!


	3. Laser Tag Deathmatch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bunch of celebrities have been chosen to destroy the Loch Ness Monster, alongside a surprise guest who was also resurrected from the dead.

(CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH)

Johnny Gomez: Welcome back, fight-fans! We've already killed off enough Nintendo stars already, but the bloodshed has just begun!

Nick Diamond: Next up on our Clash of the Nintendo Superstars, we've got 8 celebrities and a mean monster ready to square off. 8 celebrities versus the Loch Ness Monster.

Johnny Gomez: To make our fighters feel comfortable, we designed the Deathmatch Ring to look like an area from Spy Kids 3D: Game Over. Let's check it out!

(Shot of the Deathmatch Ring, which has the area from level 5.)

Nick Diamond: And here are the 8 celebrities. Chyna, tell our viewers who are the celebrities they chose for the 3D Battle!

(Shot of Chyna at the arena)

Chyna: Our first celebrity is…(drum roll) BRITNEY SPEARS!!! (Audience cheers, Britney Spears appears in pink 3D armor)

Britney: GOOOOOOD EVENING, DEATHMATCH FANS!!! It's good to be back!

Chyna: I know you're excited, Britney. Our second celebrity is…(drum roll) MICHAEL JORDAN! (Audience cheers, Michael Jordan appears in red 3D armor)

Michael: Hey, Chyna. Thanks for getting me in this match.

Chyna: No problem.

Britney: After all, you beat Dennis Rodman.

Chyna: Our third celebrity is…(drum roll) NICK CARTER OF THE BACKSTREET BOYS! (Audience cheers, Nick Carter appears in green 3D armor)

Nick Carter: It's good to be back onstage, baby!

Chyna: Our fourth celebrity is…(drum roll) GENGHIS KHAN!!! (Audience cheers, Genghis Khan appears in silver 3D armor)

Genghis: I am back from the dead. I'm honored to be in this fight.

Nick Carter: We know you are, your highness.

Chyna: Our fifth celebrity, or should I say, fifth and sixth celebrities are…(drum roll) PAT SAJAK AND ALEX TREBEK!!! (Audience cheers, Pat Sajak appears in gold 3D armor and Alex Trebek appears in blue 3D armor)

Pat: Hey, Chyna, thanks for choosing me and Alex.

Alex: Yeah. We may be killed by our own game show things, but now we're back. And once the night is over, Johnny Gomez will pay for tricking us. (Nick Diamond glared at Johnny Gomez)

Johnny Gomez: (nervous laugh)

Chyna: Okay. Our seventh celebrity is… (drum roll) AL GORE!!! (Audience cheers, president theme plays and Al Gore appears in yellow 3D armor)

Woman from audience: WE LOVE YOU, AL!!!

Al Gore: Hey, Chyna, it's wonderful to be in the fight. As your Station Square President, I will give out free copies of the Shadow the Hedgehog video game! (Audience cheers wildly, knowing that they wanted the game badly)

Johnny Gomez: Wait a second. Station Square President? What does he mean?

Al Gore: I'm glad you asked, Johnny. The old president retired, and so there was an election since Sonic and his friends returned to Mobius. I defeated Will 2 Wynn and won the election, and people loved me better than Will 2 Wynn. Why, even Captain Excellent voted for me.

Britney: Captain Excellent! He was my hero!

Al Gore: I'm sure he is, Britney. Now, Chyna, reveal the last celebrity in the fight.

Chyna: You got it, Al. Okay, the moment we've all been waiting for. The envelope, please? (Chyna was given an envelope and opens it) The eighth and final celebrity of the fight is…Oh, I just don't believe it! It's impossible! I can't believe it! The eighth celebrity is… SETO KAIBA!!! (Audience gasps, but Kaiba fans cheer wildly, hearing that Kaiba is back)

Johnny Gomez: I don't believe it! I thought he was killed in Yu-Gi-Oh II: Anubis Returns!

Nick Diamond: Me too, Johnny! This is impossible!

Kaiba's voice: Nothing is impossible, Nick Diamond. (appears in arena wearing his Blue Eyes uniform from Duelists of the Roses) It's good to be alive again. Mokuba! If you're watching this, your big brother is back! Back from the dead! And I wouldn't have been if it weren't for the Sonic Heroes. (Audience gasps)

(A/N: Remember Beavis and Butt-Head were animated in Celebrity Deathmatch? Well, I made Kaiba animated in this fiction. The same goes for the Sonic Heroes, Team Sora, Kirby and Metaknight.)

Johnny Gomez: I guess the Sonic Heroes' chant revived Kaiba as well! Well, welcome to Celebrity Deathmatch, Seto Kaiba!

Kaiba: Thanks, Johnny. And I know the clever murderer is hiding in this arena. You don't scare me, murderer! Come on out! I'm your next victim!

Nick Diamond: Is he crazy! He'll get killed!

Johnny Gomez: Wait a minute, Nick! We'll get to see what the murderer looks like and then we'll get him! This is our big chance!

Nick Diamond: You're right! Kaiba always had such great ideas!

Kaiba: Thank you, Nick. Come on out or you'll be sorry! I got your knife! (shows murderer's knife-shaped branch with blood dripping)

Voice: Oh, crap. I guess you got me.

Johnny Gomez: Here he comes! (The murderer comes out, revealing himself as the Great Pumpkin monster from Robot Chicken! A/N: If you watched Robot Chicken and have seen Vegetable Funfest, you'll know what he looks like. Otherwise, well, you don't want to know.) Oh my god! It's the evil Great Pumpkin from Robot Chicken!

Great Pumpkin: So, Kaiba, we meet at last.

Kaiba: Great Pumpkin, when this match is over, I will have a fight with you!

Great Pumpkin: I accept your challenge, that is, if you defeat the Loch Ness Monster alive!

Kaiba: (menacingly) Oh, I will. And you will pay for killing Charlie Brown's friends!

Great Pumpkin: We'll see about that, Kaiba.

Britney: All right, guys, let's get this fight started!

Kaiba: I'll take care of you later, Great Pumpkin. (The Loch Ness Monster roars)

Mills Lane: All right, team. You know the rules. To beat the Loch Ness Monster, you need to use your weapons.

Voice: That's right, Mills Lane. I, the Toymaker (from Spy Kids 3D: Game over), will referee this match. If the celebrities lose, it's game over! They each have 9 lives while the Loch Ness Monster has a boss health meter.

(Scene changes to the arena that looks like it's from a video game. 9 lives are shown near the head of each celebrity while a 2-foot health meter appears above the Loch Ness Monster.)

Toymaker: If a body part of the Loch Ness Monster is lost, it'll cost severe damage to its health. If the Loch Ness Monster's heart is stabbed, ripped, burned or pierced, it's an instant win for the celebrities. If the celebrities win, as Johnny Gomez would say, they'll help the Sonic Heroes fight Captain Doody in the Main Event. You celebrities will fight the Loch Ness Monster Laser Tag video game style!

Kaiba: Hmm. Just like in my virtual reality system.

Toymaker: Celebrities, are you ready!

Celebrities: YEAH!!!

(Rockman EXE Stream's "Be Somewhere" plays)

Toymaker: 3, 2, 1…GO!!!

Johnny Gomez: And the battle begins! Britney Spears is on the monster's back! She's hitting it with her fist!

Nick Diamond: Alex Trebek is hitting the beast with a laser lance! (A/N: You know, the lances Juni Cortez and Arnold used in Spy Kids 3D.)

Genghis: I shall be avenged! I am strong like the wind!

Johnny Gomez: Genghis using his nunchuks! He's whipping the beast!

Nick Diamond: Pat Sajak using the spinning wheel as a weapon against Nessie!

(The Loch Ness Monster's tail gets cut off)

Johnny Gomez: OOH!!! The tail gets cut off! That's gonna make a big decrease on that boss meter!

Nick Diamond: The boss meter's getting red! That means the Loch Ness Monster's almost defeated! Come on, you guys! Don't let the monster beat you!

Johnny Gomez: Yeah! Push him away!

Kaiba: This is too easy.

Suddenly, the Loch Ness Monster hits Kaiba, sending him flying and right to a turnbuckle. Then, a hologram of the number 9 appears from the chest, and turns to 8.

Johnny Gomez: Oooh! Kaiba lost a life!

Nick Diamond: So did Britney, Genghis, MJ and President Gore!

Kaiba: Now you've done it! You made me ANGRY!!!

Johnny Gomez: Uh-oh! Kaiba's getting mad!

Kaiba: I believe THIS can have us win!

Kaiba laced his fingers together and electricity flows through them, he then pulls them apart sharply, and he emits a powerful lightning bolt.

Nick Diamond: Johnny, what's Kaiba up to?

Johnny Gomez: I think it's gonna give us quite a shock!

Kaiba: WHITE LIGHTNING ATTACK!!!!

Kaiba launched a white blast and the blast pierces the Loch Ness Monster through the heart. The blast also destroyed its two legs. The blast cleared and the monster is revealed as a bleeding corpse and a puddle of blood appears below the dead beast.

Johnny Gomez: It's over! The Loch Ness Monster and its heart has been destroyed!

Toymaker: (bell rings) And the winner is…TEAM KAIBA!!!!

(Audience cheers wildly, the Sonic Heroes celebrating Team Kaiba's victory)

Britney: Team Kaiba? Not a bad name.

Genghis: I have been avenged.

Johnny Gomez: Wow! An amazing attack by Seto Kaiba!

Nick Diamond: You said it, Johnny! Kaiba used the attack of his rarest Yu-Gi-Oh! card, the Blue Eyes White Dragon!

Kaiba: But I'm not done yet! Great Pumpkin, you're next!

Great Pumpkin: Not if I can eat you!! (lunges at Kaiba) RAAAARRRGH!!!

Kaiba: (as he laces his fingers together again) I don't think so!

After electricity flows through his fingers, Kaiba then pulls them apart sharply, and he emits another powerful lightning bolt.

Kaiba: WHITE LIGHTNING ATTACK!!!!

Kaiba launched the blast, which made a direct hit on the Great Pumpkin.

Great Pumpkin: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Finally, all that's left of the Great Pumpkin were some broken pumpkin pieces over a puddle of pumpkin juice with seeds on it.

Nick Diamond: Kaiba killed the murderer!

Johnny Gomez: Serves him right, though.

Kaiba: Don't go away, fans, because my teammates and I will help the Sonic Heroes!

Johnny Gomez: That's right, Kaiba! The Main Event comes next and there's gonna be a final battle against our old enemy, Captain Doody! Stay tuned, Celebrity Deathmatch will be right back after these messages!

(CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seto Kaiba's death is referenced in a fanfic known as Yu-Gi-Oh! II: Anubis Returns at fanfiction.net.


	4. Final Battle with Captain Doody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The winning team from the Loch Ness Monster fight teams up with the Sonic Heroes against Captain Doody and the Dragon King of Outworld, Onaga.

(CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH)

Nick Diamond: Welcome back to Celebrity Deathmatch!

Johnny Gomez: If you're just joining us, we've had 3 massive matches so far, but the best is yet to come!

Nick Diamond: Next is our Main Event in the Inferno Arena of Hell! Team Sonic. Team Rose. Team Dark. Team Chaotix. All fighting together against our old "friend", Captain Doody! He possessed my son, but now he's in the body of the popcorn man, which means Captain Doody will have to fight as the popcorn man.

Captain Doody: I wouldn't be sure of that, Nick Diamond! (Captain Doody appears)

Johnny Gomez: It's Doody! Out of the popcorn man!

Captain Doody: That's right, Johnny! I have a new body! He's in the ring!

Nick Diamond: I don't see it.

Suddenly, a roar was heard. It came from Onaga, the Dragon King from Mortal Kombat: Deception, flying into the arena.

Johnny Gomez: Oh my god! It's Onaga, the Dragon King from Mortal Kombat: Deception!

Onaga: That's right, and with Captain Doody by my side, we shall win the battle and take over the realm of Earth!

Johnny Gomez: Not if the Sonic Heroes and Team Kaiba have anything to say about it!

Nick Diamond: That's right, and here they are, folks! The Sonic Heroes and Team Kaiba! (Audience cheers)

Sonic: Thank you, Sonic fans! We're honored to fight our opponent!

Kaiba: Guys, here comes our opponent!

Onaga flies into the arena.

Onaga: We shall defeat you! Ready, Captain Doody?

Captain Doody: Ready!

Onaga and Captain Doody: FUUUUUUUUUU… SION… HA!

Captain Doody gets inside Onaga, and then, after Onaga raised his Kamidogu, there was a blinding flash. Everyone covered their eyes.

Cream: What's happening?

Shadow: Something very, very bad!

The light is removed, and Captain Doody and Onaga's fusion stands in the ring. It looked exactly like Onaga, only red all over.

Onaga/Captain Doody: (laughs evilly)

Johnny Gomez: Holy shit! Who the hell is that?

Onaga/Captain Doody: Ha ha ha ha ha! I am the terror that flaps in the darkest night! I am a threat to the realm of Earth! I… am… CAPTAIN DOONAGA!!!

Nick Diamond: Oh my god! They won't have a chance against Doody's new form!

Mills Lane: All right, everyone, I want a good clean fight! Now, let's get it on! (Bell rings)

Doonaga shoots a beam, sending everyone flying right into the turnbuckles.

Johnny Gomez: Ooh! Doonaga made a head start using that attack!

Sonic: Shadow, time for plan A!

Shadow: Right! (He and Sonic transformed)

Nick Diamond: Sonic and Shadow transformed into Super Sonic and Hyper Shadow!

Super Sonic: Let's get him!

Hyper Shadow: Galick Gun! (Shoots pink beam)

Super Sonic: Kamehameha! (Shoots blue beam)

The attacks hit Doonaga, but nothing happened.

Captain Doonaga: Hahahahahahahahahaha! Haven't you forgotten? Onaga is immune to projectiles, and because Captain Doody combined with Onaga, WE ARE UNSTOPPABLE!!!

Amy: It's no use! We have to surrender!

Captain Doonaga: A wise choice! For that, I'LL KILL YOU FIRST!!! (Swoops at Amy)

Amy: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Doonaga gets knocked away by a warrior.

Knuckles: What the?

Britney: Who's that?

Nick: It's Shujinko from Mortal Kombat: Deception!

Shujinko: You look like you could use some help.

Genghis: We are honored, Shujinko.

Johnny Gomez: It's Shujinko!

Nick Diamond: He still wants his revenge on Onaga!

Shujinko: Team Kaiba, Sonic Heroes, I'll fight Doonaga with you.

Knuckles: Thanks. Only one problem. How are we gonna defeat Doonaga if we don't see any Kamidogu to destroy?

Super Sonic: Shadow, it's time to do our ultimate technique.

Hyper Shadow: Right! (He and Super Sonic start to do the Fusion Dance)

Super Sonic and Hyper Shadow: FUUUUUUUUUU… SION… HAAAAA!!!

Another blinding flash appears. Everyone, including Doonaga, covered their eyes.

("Yu-Gi-Oh!"'s "Overlap" plays)

Nick Diamond: Now what the hell's happening?

The flash fades away, revealing a new hedgehog standing in the ring.

Sonic/Shadow: All right!

Johnny Gomez: WOW!!!! Sonic and Shadow have combined!

Alex: What have they become?

Sonic/Shadow: Call me Shadic. I'm a fusion of Sonic and Shadow the Hedgehog. (Shadic faces Doonaga) All right, Doonaga! Prepare to die!

Captain Doonaga: It is you who shall die! (Doonaga and Shadic start fighting, Dragon Ball-style)

Johnny Gomez: It looks like Shadic and Doonaga are evenly matched!

Doonaga knocked Shadic back.

Shadic: Hmm. It seems that you're still strong. But can you defeat…HYPER SHADIC?!?!

Captain Doonaga: WHAT?!?!?!

Shadic then turned hyper.

Nick Diamond: Oh my god! Look at Shadic!

Hyper Shadic: Ha ha ha ha ha! (starts flying towards Doonaga) NOW YOU DIE!!!!

Captain Doonaga was about to launch his fireball attack, but got sent flying by Shadic's mega punch. The red Dragon Devil hits the turnbuckle.

Captain Doonaga: Damn! I'm weak! And I'm vulnerable to projectile attacks!

Hyper Shadic: It's over, Doonaga!

Hyper Shadic laced his fingers together and electricity flows through them, he then pulls them apart sharply, and he emits a powerful lightning bolt.

Hyper Shadic: BIG BANG KAMEHAMEHA!

Hyper Shadic launched the blast and the blast hits Captain Doonaga.

Hyper Shadic: EVERYBODY!!!! JOIN ME!!!!

Tails: DODON RAY!!!!

Knuckles: KAMEHAMEHA!!!!

Amy: (Brings out bazooka) BAZOOKA BLAST ATTACK!!!!

Cream: Let's do it, Cheese! (Cheese gets in Cream's hands) BUSTER CANNON!!!!

Shujinko: (changes into Liu Kang) FIREBALL!!!!

Kaiba: WHITE LIGHTNING ATTACK!!!!

Britney: DARK MAGIC ATTACK!!!!

Genghis: DRAGON SHELL!!!!

Nick Carter: KAMEHAMEHA!!!!

Pat Sajak: DOUBLE SUNDAY!!!!

Alex Trebek: BOMBER DX!!!!

Al Gore: (Brings out laser rifle) LASER RIFLE ATTACK!!!!

All the beam attacks hit Doonaga.

Captain Doonaga: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All that's left of Doonaga is a puddle of blood and Onaga's heart. Hyper Shadic picked up Onaga's heart.

Hyper Shadic: It's over. (Drops Onaga's heart, turns back into Sonic and Shadow)

Mills Lane: (Bell rings) And the winners are…THE SONIC HEROES AND TEAM KAIBA!!!! (Audience cheers wildly)

Johnny Gomez: WOW! What an intense match!

Nick Diamond: Thank god Captain Doody is FINALLY dead! I'm getting tired of him!

Johnny Gomez: Me too, Nick! I think he's gonna have a hell of a bad time being dead! (Laughs with Nick Diamond, Team Kaiba and the Sonic Heroes) Folks, we're all out of time! So, for Celebrity Deathmatch, I'm Johnny Gomez!

Nick Diamond: And I'm Nick Diamond!

Johnny Gomez: Saying good fight, good night!

(Credits roll)

Mills Lane: Coming soon, an eight-way tournament for seven original warriors and one hidden character from Mortal Kombat! The winner of the tournament faces Tekken Champion Jin Kazama! Triple threat match of the three MK robot ninjas: Smoke vs. Cyrax vs. Sektor! The stars of Super Smash Bros. face off against the Robot Masters in a battle royal! And Naruto faces off against any opponent as Celebrity Deathmatch continues!

END!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned for my next Celebrity Deathmatch! If you have any suggestions, don't be afraid to ask! I might consider it! But please, no bashing of any shows/celebrities I like (e.g. Kill Pokémon, kill Britney Spears, etc.) Also, give me your reviews! I love reviews, especially good ones with suggestions! Thank you and good night!
> 
> P.S. I know exactly who Naruto will face, and I ain't telling!


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